To express (a strong emotion, such as anger) in a forceful and open way. Someone in the situation can choose the path of peace. If you're unsure how to respond, simply reflect on their feelings: - "Wow". Should you try and fix the problem? If you determine you can listen to them, move on to step two. Consequently, it is about as rewarding as venting to your dog. Stay quiet and allow them to finish talking. What to say to someone whos venting. Let your partner know that you understand what they're saying. While driving home one day, I was venting my frustration with something (not my partner. )
Highlight a word from their speech and ask them to elaborate more on them. In this instance, it would be helpful to consider techniques highlighted by Carl Rodgers—a psychologist that developed person-centered counseling. Your friend doesn't know how to move on or let things go. Co-worker to co-worker. Try not to lessen how they feel.
Friends can provide comfort and support, but they are not meant to be counselors. Giving advice without permission is always disrespectful and rarely welcomed, especially when upset enough to need to vent. Then, offer a solution that applies to the situation they are upset about. And depending on the circumstances, you may welcome the venting session, or you might not. Do not try to solve their problem. How to respond to someone venting. Employ these techniques when dealing with a venting friend or a family member. Tell them that you would be happy to resolve the situation later on if they change their mind.
But what happens when you are on the receiving end? Trying to be rational in the face of upset is wasted energy and often produces resentment. Consider Distancing Yourself Not all friendships last forever and that is OK. If you're amped up and taking on their emotions, you can't actually actively listen to them, or provide an empathetic response. Your friend's problems are always bigger, worse, or more extreme than yours. Better yet, it helps us articulate our reactions to a particular event. The anger would likely have somewhat clouded their judgment. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Certified Anger Management Counselor, Sessions with Silva. If they want opinions, then give your advice, but be sure to use "I" statements. A few moments should be taken to collect your thoughts and process the reasons for the rant. What to say to someone who is going through a tough time. Lindsay M. Anmuth, Psy. We forget that people are allowed to vent, and we are allowed to set a boundary in regards to how much we want to tolerate.
The venting process will bring you closer. They purely want you to listen. Avoid jump-in decisions and conclusions that can make them feel more annoyed. BetterHelp makes it easy to start your therapy journey. "You definitely sound mad! What to say when someone vents to your website. It's natural to want to fix problems or to want to make your partner feel better when they're expressing pain. Whether it's a: - friend, - spouse, - child, - co-worker, - or your boss. Make a specific time when you are emotionally available for venting. 9] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Avoid one-word or curt responses that could potentially be misunderstood as passive-aggressive or hostile. Once again, once they are done, ask them to address the most emotion-filled words further. Your best strategy is to be supportive but to put the responsibility back on their shoulders. Silva Depanian, MA, LMFT, CAMC. If that is ever the case for you, setting an initial boundary can be very useful to show that, while you still care, you can't be present for them at the moment.
These mentally draining situations will eventually wear you out. Generally, they don't want you to give them answers. Sometimes the less you say, the more people will trust and respect you. Give the person space to explain what they are going through. Can I do anything to make it better? How to Respond to Someone Venting (35+ Helpful Ways. It's the two of you against the enemy. This means you need to do some introspection, a gut check, or quick self-reflection to ensure that you're capable of handling a conversation. A gentle assurance is a conventional but effective way to respond.
Here are some telltale signs that your friend may be mentally draining. Wait until the venter's feelings have calmed down before asking permission to offer a solution or a different point of view. Never be rude to them; otherwise, they feel hurt and not accepted. Ask yourself how much time and energy you really have to do devote to this friend.
Because you didn't get involved in trying to take sides or fix the scenario, and because you simply listened, those things build trust. Venting is sometimes necessary to productively express frustration about a person or a problem—but gossiping isn't. Having the support, trust and empathy of your loved ones will assist you in reaching all goals you have set out for yourself in your personal and financial life. I know they're downsizing. Just listening to understand the venter's point of view and emotions is the most powerful "help" you can bring to the situation. Relationship Expert | Founder, Margo Regan Relationship Counseling Therapy. Below are suggested responses to help you and the venter get to a better place: - "I get that you're angry. Don't provide your unsolicited solutions. Certified Psychiatrist, The Pleasant Mind.
What not to say: There are a few phrases that will not help in any way and should be avoided at all costs: - "Calm down". These reactions can result in the person feeling misunderstood and more isolated than ever. If you need to vent anger, hurt, or unhappiness about your partner or your partner's family (especially their children if you are a stepfamily), do it to a neutral party or in a journal or write a nasty letter that will then be destroyed. You may have a different worldview from the person venting, which is okay. He doesn't respect me. To affirm their point of view, you might say, "It's completely understandable that you would feel that way. Once I was out with Sam in a cafe.... - He always finds excuses to talk to you or spend time together.... - He asks you a lot of personal questions.... - He remembers the little details about you.... - He always makes an effort to keep the conversation going. After the initial wave of venting has passed, pick out the words that were said with the most exposed emotion.
Ask them what they think would make things better. It creates unity and a mentality of we are in this together – you feel together. It is a tendency we all have because when we see somebody in pain of course we want relief. You are looking for someone to sympathize with you. "... - "How come …"... - Finally, saying nothing at all may be the worst thing to say when someone is venting.... - Sources: Is it healthy to vent to your partner? This question does not sound condescending, removes all judgement and allows the person to vent without any fear.... - Ask the venter what they are most angry about.... - Ask the venter what they are really worried about. Even if you never want the venter to come to you again, statements like these not only damage relationships but also can be hurtful long-term to the person venting. Be mindful of your text tone.
Remember that when someone vents at you, it means the person is already overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure. You absorb all of this energy and emotion with an underlying sense of dread knowing you're going to want to fix everything for them.
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